I prayed this once

something in me doesn't want to write out this prayer and make it real.


but Lord,
teach me a joy that doesn't come from being
safe or comfortable,
but one that comes from knowing You are near.
open wide my door, my Lord,
to whatever makes me love You more.

amen.

.... I've never felt so much like I didn't know what I was doing. Or like I wasn't good enough to do anything I want to do.


I don't feel like I was made for/ destined for anything.

Her motivation is unmatched, and she's been this way forever. And me? All I can talk about is how lonely I am, and how badly I wanna go out.

I'm ridiculous.

on stress levels

So... I'm consistently frustrated with myself and my nonmotivation.

but I keep hoping that maybe everyone else is feeling this way and I'm just the only one who says it, and maybe the only one who knows I'm freaking out is me, Beth, and Roe.

Regardless, I kicked my Social Thought tests ass... even if Steinhart didn't give us ridiculous multiple choice answers, I would've kicked it's ass.

Then, I slept through class this morning. ^sigh.

I've never felt so lost and confused.

I was thinking about teaching today. What if I could be heuristically provocative? What if I was that person that prompted thought?

What if I could communicate this way?


I am a fool.