present-ness.

Today's chapel was based on the Incarnation and Christ's call for us to be incarnate with each other. I am very bad at this. Right now, I'm typing this in anatomy class where I should be learning about cells.

Chapel today has reminded me of why I continually struggle being in/wanting to be in media. Above all things, I want to value people the most. And if what I want to do/ or am best at conflicts with that value, it needs to go.

But I suppose, I just need to get it under control. Making sure it doesn't conflict with being people. Like being able to leave my phone at home; to make sure every photo I take is meant for something and not my facebook/myspace.

Struggle.

breathe.

I'm feeling the pressure of the end of the semester.
I feel really lonely at night and it paralyzes me from doing anything productive.
(Not that I don't feel that way during the day, or that any work gets done then.)
I don't think I'm going to be able to do a semester abroad if I'm going to meet all my requirements for UC.
(or pass this semester at the rate I'm going)

I'm just doing the best I can right now.


... Really. I promise.

President Elect Barack Obama

My Dad used to always say to me, "Chris, I could never become President. But you, you were born here. You could become President." I used to hate it. I used to feel like he was being bossy and projecting on me.
But it's just like my fear to apply to the UC's when I first graduated. I had internalized that I could never be 'great', that I wasn't smart enough, that I just wasn't good enough to be President.

But last night, watching an immigrant's son become President Elect, and knowing that my little vote helped make that happen, I realized that I am great. And that anything I decide to do, I will be great.

And that by realizing my greatness, I am taking my steps towards who God called me to be and my place in the Kingdom.

And I'm proud to say that I'm doing it at this point in history where Obama is President.

"Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people will get to the promised land. And I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord." -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.; "I Have Been To the Mountaintop"