Jen's characiture of Brandon

i'm just not doing what i need to be doing. which is school work.

i'm a terrible student.

GoED

GoED is going to be $17,000+, up front, in the middle of August.

No scholarships. No FASFA. Loans aren't a good idea because I've already taken out $23,000.

$17,000+.


I talk to my Dad tonight.

-update-
8:30 pm

My Dad doesn't waste words. He also doesn't like telling people things they don't want to hear.

I explained the situation.
He cut me off, said, "Chris, do you have to go to thailand? Can you stay here?"
me: Not really.
dad: me and your mom have been talking and we just don't have $17,000.
me: ok. well then, i guess i just won't go.
dad: well, chris... me and your mom will talk about it.
me: no, no. if we don't have it then we don't have it. i'll just stay here next year.
dad: i'm sorry, chris.
me: it's ok.
dad: bye.
me: bye.

I've contacted 2 more schools about payment programs. Greenville (an affiliate school), and Bethel- the wild card.

i'm not getting my hopes up. i don't know what makes me sadder, that i'm probably not going, or that my dad couldn't offer me anything more than 'i'm sorry'.

Cross post from the food blog

"There's a hunger beyond food that's expressed in food, and that's why feeding is always a kind of miracle. It speaks of a bigger desire."- Sara Miles, Take This Bread

My Nanay (grandmother) cooked constantly while I was growing up. Huge pots, mounds of meat, her orange strainer in a stainless steel bowl, and the rhythm when she would alternately chop pork into tiny perfect cubes and run her knife over the bottom of an upturned mug to sharpen. She would cook enough for small armies, and we ate for days.

I didn't begin to cook until I was 18.

All my efforts up to that point were few, far between and horrible. Scrambled eggs were small, gritty and dry, and cakes came out of a box. But that summer I spent three weeks in the Philippines, where I ate 5 or 6 meals a day, surrounded by more people than I could count, and when I returned something happened. ^whisper: It was magic.

I woke up one day and thought, "Hmm. I think I want muffins." I bought a mini muffin tin, called my photo teacher for her blueberry muffin recipe, and swapped the blueberries for blackberries. And it was over.

The rest of that summer with a few good friends and online recipes, I was broiling chicken, making my own pesto, and baking like it was my job. Looking back on all the important things that happened that summer, like when I decided to switch schools, when I invited a random salesman in my house, the dreaded ex-boyfriend phone call, catching up with old friends or meeting new ones, it all happened in my kitchen cuz I never left.




It's at a table a person learns what it means to serve and be served and to talk to one another and share our lives.

Jesus, who is God incarnate, came eating and drinking, fed the hungry and gave water to the thirsty, and at his death his body was broken and his blood poured out to take away the sins of the world.

The word 'thankful' in Greek is translated as 'eucharisimi', 'be eucharist'. Eucharist is the word used to describe the Lord's Supper, where bread and wine are eaten to remember Christ's sacrifice. So, the way I show thankfulness is to break myself open and pour myself out for someone else. I give of myself. I've taken in this literally by baking bread to be broken and shared.

The very first church started this way, people would gather together to pray for one another and talk about God, all over a shared meal.

Anyway, I'm on vacation at home this week, and I've cooked two noteworthy things, Lighter than Air Chocolate Cake and Spinach and Tomato Omelette.

Lighter than Air Cake from SmittenKitchen.com






Spinach and Tomato Omelette with help from Pineapple girl

Milwuakee and Diversey

Kimball bus stop-chicago red eye

the squat

it's true.
i can't do the squat.

but i did in my shoes today!


^_^

It might be a fluke, but whatever.

goED

I have passed the big hurdle.... North Park has approved GoED.

I still have to apply to goED, and to George Fox University.... and I have to raise enough money for my camera.

and while I'm super excited to go (you can tell by all the travel blogs i'm collecting), I've never been so afraid. and afraid like i'm not meant to be this way. or to do this thing.

which is really kind of silly. Because, what would I be doing if this wasn't it?

(dot). (dot). (dot).

“Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things - air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky - all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.” - Cesare Pavese

- source