i hate my life today.

I'm a horrible human being.

I'm not any better than her.... I keep people around because I want them to tell me I'm going to be ok. Not because I give a shit about who they are as people.

I don't love anyone but myself.

I'm a fuck-up.

I used to say I have only two things about about me that matter:

I work hard,
and I give a shit.

I can't say either of these things anymore.

This is me posting.

Yesterday was dr. MLK day.

I went to chapel. It was the sort of thing that used to fire me up.

Yes. There are people suffering.
Yes. God called us to love and serve the suffering.

.... but I just. can't. bring. myself. to move anymore.

I'm not checking in on Haiti.
I'm not triple checking where my goods come from.

I'm just trying to get through my day with some self-respect.
It's mostly just guilt and shame.